Moving into a care home: checklist and first weeks

A little preparation makes moving day far calmer. Confirm the date and time with the home and ask what they need from you in advance. Most homes carry out a pre-admission assessment, where a senior member of staff meets your parent to plan their care before day one. Then work through the practical list:

• Read the contract carefully before signing, including fees, extras, notice periods and the trial period. Our guide to care home fees covers what to check.
• Confirm the trial period in writing. Most homes offer one, often four to six weeks.
• Tell the GP surgery. Your parent may need to register with a new practice if the home is in a different area.
• Arrange a supply of current medication, plus an up-to-date medication list for the home.
• Share your parent's routines, preferences and life story with the home. The more staff know on day one, the faster your parent will feel known.
• Set up post redirection, and update the address for pensions, benefits, the bank and anyone else who writes.

Care home rooms come furnished, but they only become home through familiar things. Label everything with your parent's name, clothes especially, because laundry is communal and unlabelled items go missing. Worth packing:

• Comfortable, washable clothing, enough for a week or more between washes
• Familiar objects: photos, ornaments, a favourite blanket or cushion, their own bedding if the home allows it
• A small piece of furniture, such as a favourite chair, if there is space and the home agrees
• Toiletries they actually like, not a new unfamiliar set
• Glasses, hearing aids, dentures and chargers, all labelled, with spares if you have them
• A large-print list of family names and phone numbers

Keep a single folder for the move. Into it goes the signed contract and trial terms, your parent's NHS number and GP details, the medication list, any hospital discharge summary or care needs assessment, copies of power of attorney documents if they exist, family contact details in the order you want to be called, and any funding paperwork, including council or NHS contributions.

If funding is still being sorted out, do not let it drift, because fees usually run from day one. Our guide to paying for care explains the help available and who to chase, and if your parent has ongoing health needs it is worth checking our guide to NHS continuing healthcare too.

Keep moving day simple and short. Arrive at the time the home suggests, unpack and set the room up together, put photos where your parent can see them from the bed, and stay for a cup of tea rather than the whole afternoon. Long, emotional goodbyes tend to make the day harder for everyone, including your parent.

Before you leave, tell staff the small things that will help tonight: how your parent takes their tea, when they like to sleep, what settles them if they are anxious. Then let the staff do their job. It is completely normal to go home and cry. It does not mean you have done the wrong thing.

Expect a settling-in period of several weeks, and expect it to be uneven. Good days and bad days, requests to come home, complaints about the food or the noise. This is a normal response to an enormous change, not proof that the home is wrong. If your parent has dementia, the early weeks can be especially disorienting, and our dementia care guide has extra ways to help.

Keep your visiting pattern steady and predictable. Regular, calm visits beat daily marathon ones that exhaust everyone. Encourage other family and friends to visit too, and encourage your parent to try one activity or one shared mealtime rather than everything at once. Ask staff what they see when you are not there. The picture at eleven on a Tuesday morning is often happier than the one presented to a visiting son or daughter.

Most homes offer a trial period, often four to six weeks, during which either side can end the arrangement at short notice. Use it deliberately rather than letting it tick by. Put a note in your diary for the halfway point and ask yourself: is my parent eating and sleeping? Are they building any connection with staff or other residents? Are staff telling me things unprompted, or only when I ask?

Before the trial ends, have an honest review meeting with the manager. It is much easier to raise concerns, or to leave, at this stage than after the placement becomes permanent. Just do not judge the whole placement on week one, which is nearly always wobbly.

Moving in is not handing over. You know your parent better than anyone in the building, and good homes treat family as part of the care team. Ask when the care plan will be reviewed and expect to be invited. Go to relatives' meetings if the home runs them. Learn the names of the carers who know your parent best, and say thank you when things go well. It builds the relationship you will need on the day you have to raise a problem.

Keep an eye on the practical side too: invoices and extras such as hairdressing or chiropody, whether laundry comes back, and whether the promised activities actually happen. If you spot a gap between the brochure and reality, raise it early and politely, while it is still small.

Give the placement a fair run, usually the full trial period at least, unless something serious is wrong. Then raise concerns with the manager first, specifically and in writing if needed. Most problems, such as missed laundry, slow responses to the call bell, or a clash with one carer, can be fixed once they are named clearly.

If serious concerns persist, use the home's formal complaints process, involve the local council if it arranges or funds the care, and in England you can also raise concerns with the CQC. Sometimes the honest conclusion is simply that the home is a poor fit. Moving again is disruptive, but it is far from unheard of, and a better match is worth it. You can search for alternative homes and go back through our checklist for choosing a care home with everything the first attempt taught you.